An imagined evening with Zenyatta and the girls

Not Zenyatta but her new goal/Photo by visionsofmaine/iStockphoto

Four single female friends hang out together as they wait for Mr. Right. Or maybe for Mr. Right for This Year.

The friends bond over brunch and drinks. Guinness, though, not Cosmos

They wear custom designer shoes and fine leather halters. And one keeps a diary.

I’m not talking about those sassy New Yorkers from that cable show that turned into a movie franchise. Let’s imagine a different version of “Sex and the City.” Instead of Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte, let’s make the scene with 2010 Horse of the Year Zenyatta and her three friends Pirate Queen, Sea Gull and Alys.

Don’t worry. This post is suitable for all audiences.  No naughty talk, no saucy activities and no – egads! – pink tutus.

But first, a little setup.

Zenyatta shares a barn and a turnout with three other maiden mares at Lane’s End Farm in Versailles, Kentucky. Like Zenyatta, none of her pals has ever given birth to a foal. Pirate Queen was her first friend, and remains her best equine friend. Then Sea Gull and Alys joined them.

Their barn is lit into the night to fake out their bodies so that their hormones will be ready for mating and foaling. Capone, the teaser stallion, has been visiting the barn to get them interested in romance.

In late January, Bernardini, a son of A.P. Indy, was announced as Zenyatta’s mate for 2010.

Are you up to speed now? Great. Here goes:

The lights are blazing late at night in the apartment building where our four friends live. They’re enjoying a night in with a movie and some – what else? – Guinness.

But Zenyatta has a little unfinished business … Imagine listening in:

Pirate Queen: Zenny, hurry up. Let’s watch that Secretariat movie. I could look at that all day.

Zenyatta: Just one … more … sentence …

Alys: You said that five minutes ago!

Sea Gull: Still blogging?

Zenyatta: It’s not a blog. It’s a diary.

Alys: Don’t reveal too much. It’s tacky.

Capone (swaggers in): Hey, ladies. How you doin’? Hey, Zenyatta Mondatta. Let’s put on a Sting CD, cherie, and go gaze at the stars.

Zenyatta: About that … Capone, we need to talk.

Capone: And I’m listening, my long tall drink of dark ale —

Zenyatta: I’m promised to Bernardini.

Capone: Well, I don’t see Bernardini here. But I am … and you are …

Zenyatta: I’m sorry, Capone, but we – us – this can’t go anywhere. It’s over.

Capone: It’s not like the fun is done, my frisky filly.

Zenyatta: That’s the point. I’m a mare. It’s time I settled down and started a family.

Capone: Nothing ol’ Capone can’t help you with. Let’s switch some of that Guinness for a bit of bubbly —

Pirate Queen: Hello? Earth to Capone. Don’t you read the trades? Zenyatta’s in an arranged marriage.

Alys: With someone suitable.

Capone: Suitable? I was ‘just fine’ last week.

Zenyatta: I’m sorry, Capone. What can I say? We had some laughs, but he’ll make a better father. His children are winning graded stakes races.

Capone: Hmm. Let me guess? Now you just want to be friends? Story of my life.

Zenyatta: I think I might have monogamy. I hear it’s going around.

Alys: Oh my! Maybe we should tell the vet tomorrow?

With thanks to the writers and producers of Sex and the City from which some of the lines were paraphrased.

More thanks to both The Blood Horse and Steve Haskin for his blog post about visiting Zenyatta and Joe Drape’s article about her life on the farm for the New York Times.


12 Comments
  • Kristan Higgins
    January 28, 2011

    Laughed all the way through this, Rhonda! Very fun!

  • Rhonda Lane
    January 28, 2011

    Happy you enjoyed it, Kristan. That Capone is a smooth operator, but Zenyatta is true to her man. Thanks for stopping by.

  • Barbara Sanders
    January 29, 2011

    Hilarious Rhonda. We’d love to hear more of this!

    • Rhonda Lane
      January 30, 2011

      Thank you, ma’am. 🙂 And thanks for saying so.

  • Lise BC, Canada
    January 30, 2011

    I truly enjoyed this! thank you

  • Rhonda Lane
    January 30, 2011

    You’re welcome, Lise. Thanks for stopping by.

  • Jennifer Iszkiewicz
    January 31, 2011

    Rhonda,

    Your Zenyatta and the Girls post was hysterical! What a fun and imaginative way to tell a story – you are a writer for sure and your passion for horses could inspire the most *gasp* un-horsey people around. Which, I might add, I am not! I miss my Rhani.
    Best!

  • Rhonda Lane
    January 31, 2011

    Thank you, Jennifer. The un-horsey tend to lead deprived, sad lives – like people who’ve never tasted chocolate – so my mission in life is to spread the hooved and mane-tossing joy. 🙂 And thanks for saying “hello.”

  • Mary M. Meek
    February 1, 2011

    Capone… Bernardini… she’s surrounded by “Italian stallions.” What a lucky gal!

  • Paula S
    February 1, 2011

    Loved it! I imagine conversations amongst Zenyatta and her new bff’s all the time, and am pleased to read I’m not alone. Poor Capone handled being passed over like the gentleman he is. Now it’s time for Bernardini to step up his game!

    • Rhonda Lane
      February 1, 2011

      Mary – I hadn’t thought of that. 🙂 Great call. Look out, Snooki. Zenyatta’s cornering the market. 🙂 Thanks for chiming in.

      Paula – Capone is a pro, but he loves his work and probably wishes that, for just this once, one of the ladies will pick him. I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Thanks for stopping by.

  • Rhonda Lane
    February 3, 2011

    Oops. Sorry, Mary. I hadn’t realized I hadn’t approved your comment before I replied to it. Ooops. ::blush AND sheepish grin::

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